Kids these days… all about them damn inclined planes wrapped around those god forsaken cylinders

Drinking diet coke,
Reposting old poems.

Best part about new audiences:
they don’t really know.

I digress,
Still don’t really get WordPress.
The reader’s a bit different.
Does this mean I’m old yet?

I think I’m okay,
I mean I still use SnapChat,
but I don’t get Insta or Twitter.

Whatever.

Not quite old.
Not quite youthful.
Still drinking weekdays
still trying stay useful,

but persistent underemployment,
mixed with chronic under-motivation,
has me basically accepting my station.

Indeed’s a time hole,
YouTube is too,
but one makes me feel
I have something to do.

Spent like five years
tying be made into a hammer.
Told last minute no nails.
–I’m screwed.

Is happiness just an idea someone sold me?
I can’t shake the feeling
there are more important things.

Like accomplishment,
or morality,
or something…

Is it even that important
to be our primary focus?

Because when minds start to wander
they just seek pleasure.

And everything’s a distraction
everything’s a distraction
everything’s a distraction
(from nothing)

NO
Thing is

Your problem isn’t focus.
You’re really good at focusing
on    all    the    wrong    things.

Self-improvement driven by
Self-loathing is a futile spiral,

but for some reason,
I can’t shake the feeling
that whenever you die
you’re supposed to meet the you
who did everything you were supposed to do,

And this “best possible version”
will shake your hand
and show you what you could have become.

This “best version”
always achieved.
Kept hungry.
Never stopped wanting.

Can you blame him?
I mean, if you got everything you ever wanted,
Do you think you’d really want it?

I guess your “best”
is everything but satisfied.

So is that the problem?
Do I want everything?
Is this just a long way to say
something about having and eating cake?

Sure, I don’t know if I’m right about any of this
I don’t even know what I’m seeking.

Happiness? I guess.

Still, I can’t tell if I’m afraid I don’t deserve it,
if I’m afraid I didn’t earn it,
or if I’m worried
dreams aren’t what I hope they’ll be.

But I guess I’m basically asking,
“Do you want to be right or happy?”

Most happy people don’t really know WHY.
Most unhappy people don’t REALLY know why.

I guess, I’m saying
the distinction is irrelevant.

Happiness doesn’t depend on circumstance.
There are happy people in terrible situations.

And maybe, happiness is just an idea someone sold me
to get me to buy things.

I mean
would our society be functioning
without people wanting?

So, should I buy in?
Was it ever real?

Or is emotional quantification
a manipulation
of how I actually feel?

Or maybe, I’ll never be satisfied
until  I’m  satisfied  with  nothing.

You’ll never be satisfied until you’re satisfied with nothing

-j.maxwell